Mom culture: The comparison game

I love being a mom. It's the best. It's not always easy, but not a day goes by when I wish my life was different. However, sadly there is one thing that no person, no book, or no "mom forum" told me about and that is the comparison culture of our time. Although, even if someone had warned me I don't think anything could have prepared me for this. Perhaps it is because being a mom can be a thankless job? Or because moms feel undervalued or unappreciated? Or maybe even it is that they/we feel insecure and uncertain and therefore we must validate ourselves by comparison? Whatever the reason--we all do it, whether we like it or not, intentional or unintentional. Comparison to whom you might ask? Well strangely enough, comarison to those we have most in common with. Fellow moms! We look to those who know how it feels and long for their affirmation and appreciation because they of all people should know exactly what we need to hear. Sadly this desire for a simple pat on the back or a, "You're doing great" comment can turn into a twisted rivalry in which we fall into the trap of subconsciously (or consciously) exalting ourselves or our methods. Sounds a little backwards and ridiculous when we hear it or read it aloud...doesn't it?

But I'd like to propose an idea (a bold one...but I must):

What if we were to use what binds us together as moms to encourage each other INSTEAD of using it as ammunition? 

What if we could change the culture and share our experiences in a positive way to bring good, comfort, and reassurance to newer moms who need us, our stories, and our experiences (good and bad)?

You see, I too am guilty of this. In order to make myself feel better, my story can top yours, and vise versa. And sadly in this culture we create even more discouraged moms. When my son is sleeping, yours has been up all night and you are utterly exhausted. And when I am finding myself worn down and discouraged, your child is taking steps early and saying "ma-ma"...etc. If you are a mom, then you might be able to relate. 

There is no handbook for being a mom, even though many books claim to be. To my surprise everything I've actually tried to do "by the book", as it were, has failed. But perhaps for your child/children it's worked perfectly, like clockwork. You see, from what I've been learning that is both the beauty and frustration of motherhood. Our children are all so unique (But what a wonderful thing!) 

If you are a mom, then the following is especially for you, so please listen closely.

Firstly, I wish I could throw my arms around you and thank you in person for who you are. You deserve many hugs and many high fives, (along with a hot cup of coffee or tea and a bubble bath!)

Next...believe me when I say...

Whether your pregnancy was filled with sickness or it went as smoothly as could be, well done. Well done for sustaining that precious life inside of you for so long and for enduring all that discomfort!

Whether your labor was 15 minutes or 72 hours, congratulations! You are a superhero. What you have done is an incredible thing. And whether men affirm you or not, they think you are superwoman for it. 

Whether you breast fed or bottle fed, I'm so proud of you for sustaining your child's life through feeding of both sorts. 

Whether your children sleep through the night or you are tirelessly waking every hour tending to their every need, you are amazing!

Whether you've lost the baby weight or are struggling to face yourself in the mirror, you are truly a beautiful human being (Just think what that body did to get humans here! It shouldn't ever look the same)!

Whether your child or children have children of their own or you are just starting out, I think the world of you! 

Well done Moms. Well done!

Today, I choose to honour you and challenge this comparison culture that (most likely) both you and I would prefer not to be apart of.

Love, 

A new, in-experienced, and learning-as-she-goes "Mom"