Why ABC's "The Bachelor" makes me thankful for my Husband

Though I'm sure there are many more, here are just a few of the reasons watching "The Bachelor" makes me appreciate my husband and our marriage even more. 

-I never have to guess whether or not "I'm going to get the rose" or be sent home.

-Even if he did "send me home", he would soon follow because he lives there with me.

 don't have to wait for a date card with my name on it (because they all say my name).

-I don't have to worry about my husband dating 25 other women at the same time. 

-I don't have to question whether he's in to me or not; I'm wearing a ring...He married me. 

-I don't have to worry about ever hearing Chris Harrison say, "Rachel I'm sorry, you did not receive a rose. Say your good byes."

-I don't have to buy a brand new dress for every day of the week. Sweats and a hoodie are perfectly acceptable.

-I don't have to worry that he's flying first class and I'm in economy becasue we sit together on planes (in economy). 

-And finally, we don't have to worry about our gourmet food getting cold while people film us talking. Because lets be honest, no one is filming and we paid too much for that steak in the first place! 

To those of you bachelor fans who are married or in a serious relationship, I'd love to hear some of your reasons why this show makes you appreciate what you have in your reality.

Amazed by my own two feet

A moment ago I caught myself just watching Ami. I was lost in the wonder of my son. He was off in his own little world, just staring at his hands and feet. As I continued to watch him, I witnessed how he was caught up in the mystery of who he was, who God created him to be--he too was lost in admiration. 

Moving his fingers one by one, wide-eyed and intrigued at how his fingers could possibly be doing what his brain commanded them to do. 

Ami just kept smiling...and looking at me with a big grin as if he was saying, "Mom, look at how amazing it all is. Look what I'm making my hands and feet do! Isn't God awesome?" 

I began to ask myself the following question, as I smiled back at my sweet boy.

When was the last time I admired the body God gave me? 

Ouch. That hurt. I couldn't actually remember. 

Thank you, Ami. 

For reminding me of just how amazing God is...

For reminding me that I am perfectly and wonderfully made by a wonderful God. 

And for helping me remember how He has intricately designed all of His creation, including me, even when...at times...I think that maybe God went wrong or got sidetracked when He made me. 

Whoever you are, wherever you may be. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God did not make a mistake when He made you. Precisely the opposite. Don't believe me? Check out Psalm 139.

Perhaps you and I today can take a moment to be amazed by our own two feet. 

Mom culture: The comparison game

I love being a mom. It's the best. It's not always easy, but not a day goes by when I wish my life was different. However, sadly there is one thing that no person, no book, or no "mom forum" told me about and that is the comparison culture of our time. Although, even if someone had warned me I don't think anything could have prepared me for this. Perhaps it is because being a mom can be a thankless job? Or because moms feel undervalued or unappreciated? Or maybe even it is that they/we feel insecure and uncertain and therefore we must validate ourselves by comparison? Whatever the reason--we all do it, whether we like it or not, intentional or unintentional. Comparison to whom you might ask? Well strangely enough, comarison to those we have most in common with. Fellow moms! We look to those who know how it feels and long for their affirmation and appreciation because they of all people should know exactly what we need to hear. Sadly this desire for a simple pat on the back or a, "You're doing great" comment can turn into a twisted rivalry in which we fall into the trap of subconsciously (or consciously) exalting ourselves or our methods. Sounds a little backwards and ridiculous when we hear it or read it aloud...doesn't it?

But I'd like to propose an idea (a bold one...but I must):

What if we were to use what binds us together as moms to encourage each other INSTEAD of using it as ammunition? 

What if we could change the culture and share our experiences in a positive way to bring good, comfort, and reassurance to newer moms who need us, our stories, and our experiences (good and bad)?

You see, I too am guilty of this. In order to make myself feel better, my story can top yours, and vise versa. And sadly in this culture we create even more discouraged moms. When my son is sleeping, yours has been up all night and you are utterly exhausted. And when I am finding myself worn down and discouraged, your child is taking steps early and saying "ma-ma"...etc. If you are a mom, then you might be able to relate. 

There is no handbook for being a mom, even though many books claim to be. To my surprise everything I've actually tried to do "by the book", as it were, has failed. But perhaps for your child/children it's worked perfectly, like clockwork. You see, from what I've been learning that is both the beauty and frustration of motherhood. Our children are all so unique (But what a wonderful thing!) 

If you are a mom, then the following is especially for you, so please listen closely.

Firstly, I wish I could throw my arms around you and thank you in person for who you are. You deserve many hugs and many high fives, (along with a hot cup of coffee or tea and a bubble bath!)

Next...believe me when I say...

Whether your pregnancy was filled with sickness or it went as smoothly as could be, well done. Well done for sustaining that precious life inside of you for so long and for enduring all that discomfort!

Whether your labor was 15 minutes or 72 hours, congratulations! You are a superhero. What you have done is an incredible thing. And whether men affirm you or not, they think you are superwoman for it. 

Whether you breast fed or bottle fed, I'm so proud of you for sustaining your child's life through feeding of both sorts. 

Whether your children sleep through the night or you are tirelessly waking every hour tending to their every need, you are amazing!

Whether you've lost the baby weight or are struggling to face yourself in the mirror, you are truly a beautiful human being (Just think what that body did to get humans here! It shouldn't ever look the same)!

Whether your child or children have children of their own or you are just starting out, I think the world of you! 

Well done Moms. Well done!

Today, I choose to honour you and challenge this comparison culture that (most likely) both you and I would prefer not to be apart of.

Love, 

A new, in-experienced, and learning-as-she-goes "Mom"

"Oops, I did it Again..."

Today was a strange one. 

With Ami being poorly, sleep has been a rare occurrence for both him and I (and dad too). Thankfully I can cope pretty well (for a while) without sleep. I've learned to over the years. I always joke with people that being an insomniac prior to parenthood becomes a big blessing in parenthood. When I was in my late teens, I always battled sleep; thus having Ami, I now feel thankful to have an actual purpose behind the sleeplessness. 

For those of you who know me well, you will know that when I am tired, I find everything funny. I prefer this method to tears; it is how I cope and perhaps you are the same. 

However, today I could fend off the tears no longer. Because TODAY the pile of dishes and dirty kitchen frustrated me. Yesterday, I let is slide, but today was a different story. My insecurities of what 'she' thought of me consumed my mind (she being, society). 

The thought of preparing tonight's meal seemed an impossible task. Our house felt messy and I felt weak.

 Alas, the moment came when little Ami man fell asleep for the first time in many hours. I was so relieved to see him peacefully dreaming and no longer restless. This filled my heart with joy. But in the quiet, the voices begin to speak to me. 'She' began to speak to me. Her voice getting louder and louder. And what could I do, but sheepishly bow to her and give in? 

I mustered up the strength to tackle the kitchen. Yes, tackle (it was a MESS). After about an hour, my work was done and the kitchen was back to the way I liked it. Tidy and orderly. 

But I could still feel 'her' lurking. 

I suddenly felt the urge to take a picture of my work so that 'she' could see my achievement and applaud me. 

How could I be so foolish? How could I have fallen in to her trap again?! I began to get frustrated with myself. Here I was slaving away according to 'her' rules. 

You see, behind Society's door lies a perfect home with everything in its place. Behind her door lies an immaculate kitchen; her laundry basket is empty and so is the washing machine. Behind society's door, the children stick to a perfect routine leaving adequate time for her to keep up with her masquerade. She smiles as she checks off her to-do list for the day. 

Sadly, I must confess, I walked through Society's door today. And as I walked in I marveled at her perfection; as I left, I bowed my head in shame, convincing myself I could achieve such a standard. Her standard.

Then it hit me, Society can only see behind my front door IF I invite 'her' in. 

And between you and me, I don't want to invite 'her' in. I want to invite 'Him' in! Who is He you may ask? Mr. Perfection Himself. 

The Mr. Perfection who, although He who knew no sin, became sin for me--for us that we might be come the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21). His is the standard I want to choose. His is the standard I will strive to choose on a daily basis, even when I think I'd rather invite 'her' to come in. 

You see, when 'she' enters, she condemns. When He enters, He says He has no condemnation for me (Romans 8:1). He sees beauty where she sees imperfection. He sees wholeness, where she sees chaos. Why? Because He sees US. He knows us, He knows our mess, yet He still fully loves us AND accepts us. 

He sets the standard because he Himself is perfect. He is Jesus, my Rescuer. He died so that I might live in the freedom of His love; along with the freedom that comes from His standard. His standard that says, I welcome you and I love you, dirty dishes and all. His standard is one of grace. 

Society cannot see behind your front door, unless you invite her in. 

Yes, being a good steward of what you have been given and the home you occupy is important. But give yourself a break. 

I'm trying to give myself a break, but it isn't easy, and I know you quite possibly will feel the same. 

Perhaps me starting the conversation will encourage you to sit back, take a moment, and enjoy the stillness (whilst ignoring her knock at the door, begging you to let her in.)

Tonight I am choosing to invite HIM into my mess. To invite HIM in for a cold cup of tea (because it's been sat out for far too long) and a genuine heart-to-heart chat. Because I know that when He shows up at my door, He has come for me. He has come to see me and be with me. He wants to sit down and stay for as long as I will have him, no hidden agenda.

Who will you invite into your home today? 

The goodness of God towards...me?

A new home, a new place. A new church, a new community. A new job, a new season. A new addition and a new routine. Change. We all experience it. 

I can't help but smile thinking about where Jamie and I were just a few months ago. Knowing our first child was on his way, we knew our life was about to change drastically (in a number of ways). We knew Jamie would need to find a new job which would most likely involve us moving to a new place and starting a new chapter. 

Although on the outside it may have appeared stressful going through such big life changes all at the same time, Jamie and I were confident that everything was happening just as it should. And now here I sit in a new town, in a new home, feeling extremely at peace, loved and blessed by God (maybe a bit uncomfortable, but I think that comes with being 3 weeks away from my due date!) Simply put, God has done it again. 

His faithfulness has always prevailed in our lives, individually and together as a couple. Those of you who know us well will be able to testify to this. This time around, what could have been an incredibly stressful few months has actually been one of the most calm and blessed seasons of my life thus far. 

I remember thinking towards the end of May how stressful it was going to be completing my diploma in theology, whilst packing and getting ready to move, whilst 'bare foot and pregnant'. However, to my total surprise, it was easy, straightforward, and exciting. We got all of our assignments finished, passed our second years, and moved less than a week later. No hiccups, no problems--only blessing. 

Before Jamie applied for the youth worker position in Hucknall, God spoke powerfully to me through a  few verses in the Bible...

"To open doors before him that gates may not be closed: I will go before you and level the exalted places, I will break in pieces the doors of bronze and cut through the bars of iron, I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hoards in secret places, that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who call you by name." (Isaiah 45:1b-3)

After reading these verses, my heart was flooded with an inexplainable peace about our future in Hucknall, though Jamie hadn't even yet interviewed for the post. God gave me peace about where He was leading us and reminded me that I could trust Him fully in this.

Fast forwarding a bit...

I remember the day Jamie got the call back. He had been selected for the post after the interview process. A few more details had to be put into place but it seemed as though he had the position. That same day as I was clearing through files on my laptop I came across a conversation Jamie and I had had over the internet back in 2008. We were not dating at the time, just good friends. 

The conversation was all about how Jamie wanted to be a youth worker in a church someday. My response was one of excitement for him as I told him I thought he would be really good at that, followed by, "It'll be exciting to hear in the future how God uses you in that." Jamie (being Jamie) just laughed it off as if it was crazy and never going to happen. Little did we know what God had up His sleeve.

Here we are nearly 5 years later, married, our first child on the way, and Jamie has just become the new youth worker at Watnall Rd. Baptist Church in Hucknall, England. Does God have a sense of humour or what? 

What an amazing God we serve! 

As I sit here in the early hours of the morning, wide awake with a beautiful little boy stretching busily within me, I feel overwhelmed by the goodness and love of God. I'll admit, Jamie and I are used to life being a struggle. We are more used to things being difficult than going smoothly or in a straightforward manner, though it sounds strange. I am a doer. I struggle daily with feeling as though I need to do more for God or suffer more for Him, as though I need to earn His favour and love. This is something God has been challenging me on for a number of months now. The problem is, I became a servant of God before I came a child of God and I can acknowledge that now.

But for once, I can say I think I'm starting to understand this whole 'child thing'. I am a child of God. He is my heavenly Father who loves me completely, regardless of what I do for Him. Sometimes He doesn't want me to 'do' anything, He just wants me. And He wants me to be me. Being pregnant has taught me a lot about God's love for me as His child; I'm sure being a parent will teach me more and more. 

I love my son completely and I have not even met him yet. He has done nothing to earn my love or to make me love him less. As I've felt these feelings for my unborn son, I've realised that this is how God feels about me. And as I have learned to accept this, life has never felt more peaceful for myself and our growing family. God is teaching me to embrace His blessings and to enjoy them. He has reminded me that He is a good God and not just a God who walks with us through hardship and suffering. He is loving and His blessings are all around us. Although it is always strange going through change and hard to leave people behind in the places we've been, I couldn't be more excited for this new chapter ahead. 

I know God is faithful. He has proven His faithfulness time and time again and He has fulfilled the promises of His word to us, yet again. 

Next up...giving birth! (Don't worry, the blog to follow will have much less detail I'm sure!) 

Blessings to you and thank you for reading my ramblings,

Rachel

12 Week Scan: That is definitely a baby!

This past Tuesday we had our 12 week scan. Nothing could have prepared me for those amazing moments we as a couple would share together with our first child. Seeing baby active and alert, moving and swimming around on the ultrasound screen, heart beating pulse by pulse with it's tiny little brain developing so well. And then the magic happened: the baby looked at us for the first time and we heard the woman say, "your baby is looking right at you!" Nothing prepares you for this moment. Our baby. As I watched this incredibly interesting movie, as it were, unfolding before my eyes, I suddenly realised. This isn't a movie. This is our life. This is our family, our future. Wow.

I found myself looking at the screen and then back at my belly. Screen, belly, screen, belly. I'd let out a gasp of, "Wow, that is amazing" and then found myself silenced by the awe of what I was witnessing. This life I was witnessing, moving, kicking, breathing inside of me. I could hear my heartbeat and see theirs. I could see where the food transfers from me to the  baby, and suddenly realised how important it is for me to sustain this precious life inside of me. I dreamt of what this sweet little one would be. Who it would look like, the sense of humour it would have, the struggles it would face, and the joy it would bring.

A few hours following the scan, I sat down to read the familiar passage of Psalm 139. Suddenly the verses I'd read countless times meant so much more. They came to life and held extra power, and extra weight. For the first time it all made sense.

"For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139: 14-16)

This baby was God's idea. This baby that had been our dream since we began dating in 2009, this baby was God's idea, His dream for our family and the world. This baby was His creation.

I found myself moved to tears at the realisation of this profound truth.

You know, they say there is no perfect time to start a family, and I imagine this is true (whoever "they" are). The pressures of life always come to surface. And yes, for us now, we realise that this timing doesn't seem particularly sensible or right, or even wise to some. It doesn't look good on paper. There are far more unknowns then there are answers. But you know what? We have no regrets and are not ashamed; moreover, we are ecstatic. This is our dream come true. We finally get to become parents. And because we believe in Someone else-Someone far greater than us,e can fully embrace this little one, celebrating all it will mean for us and our family with great joy and excitement for the future, knowing it was no accident, but a gracious gift from the Lord to us.

We believe in the all-sustaining power of God. We believe in the Creator who has delicately and intricately created this new life inside of me. We believe in His goodness and His faithfulness. We believe His Word and His promise. We believe He will never leave us or forsake us, leaving us to fend for ourselves, with nowhere else to turn. We believe He has a plan for us and our family, a good plan. The best plan.

So no. We may not have much money. We may not know where we are going to live. We may not know the status of my residence in the UK.  We may not have any passports or documents in our possession. We may not have what the world tells us we must have; however, what we do have, is far greater. We have the One who is not of this world. We have the One who sustains us and brings security and hope in the midst of distress, panic, and the unknown. We have a God who brings inexplainable peace and clarity in the midst of complete chaos and uncertainty. We have a God who provides for all of our needs, before we even ask for them. We have a God who is in control and a God who is trustworthy. We have a God who has written the whole story and knows how it will end; so we have decided to do that...to take a leap of faith and trust Him with the rest.

Therefore, we will not panic and we will not fear. We will rejoice and be thankful. We will choose to praise our Creator for this new life. This gift, this blessing, this child. We hope you can do the same.

Inspiration from a 15-year old World-changer

Michael, Age 15 wrote this earlier this evening:

"This year, we can make such a difference to the world by the living out Christ in our lives. This mission isn't just about going abroad, but about the way we live. Wouldn't it be amazing to live daily lives of worship? By being always loving and compassionate in a deprived world, we can live out our mission. Through how we choose to change our lives, we can bring the eternal into the everyday, in 2013."

This is why I love what I get to do. It is an honour and a joy, even on the days when I feel like I've got it wrong or am getting nowhere. Feeling so privileged to walk through life with young world-changers here in England. Praising God for them.