12 Week Scan: That is definitely a baby!

This past Tuesday we had our 12 week scan. Nothing could have prepared me for those amazing moments we as a couple would share together with our first child. Seeing baby active and alert, moving and swimming around on the ultrasound screen, heart beating pulse by pulse with it's tiny little brain developing so well. And then the magic happened: the baby looked at us for the first time and we heard the woman say, "your baby is looking right at you!" Nothing prepares you for this moment. Our baby. As I watched this incredibly interesting movie, as it were, unfolding before my eyes, I suddenly realised. This isn't a movie. This is our life. This is our family, our future. Wow.

I found myself looking at the screen and then back at my belly. Screen, belly, screen, belly. I'd let out a gasp of, "Wow, that is amazing" and then found myself silenced by the awe of what I was witnessing. This life I was witnessing, moving, kicking, breathing inside of me. I could hear my heartbeat and see theirs. I could see where the food transfers from me to the  baby, and suddenly realised how important it is for me to sustain this precious life inside of me. I dreamt of what this sweet little one would be. Who it would look like, the sense of humour it would have, the struggles it would face, and the joy it would bring.

A few hours following the scan, I sat down to read the familiar passage of Psalm 139. Suddenly the verses I'd read countless times meant so much more. They came to life and held extra power, and extra weight. For the first time it all made sense.

"For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139: 14-16)

This baby was God's idea. This baby that had been our dream since we began dating in 2009, this baby was God's idea, His dream for our family and the world. This baby was His creation.

I found myself moved to tears at the realisation of this profound truth.

You know, they say there is no perfect time to start a family, and I imagine this is true (whoever "they" are). The pressures of life always come to surface. And yes, for us now, we realise that this timing doesn't seem particularly sensible or right, or even wise to some. It doesn't look good on paper. There are far more unknowns then there are answers. But you know what? We have no regrets and are not ashamed; moreover, we are ecstatic. This is our dream come true. We finally get to become parents. And because we believe in Someone else-Someone far greater than us,e can fully embrace this little one, celebrating all it will mean for us and our family with great joy and excitement for the future, knowing it was no accident, but a gracious gift from the Lord to us.

We believe in the all-sustaining power of God. We believe in the Creator who has delicately and intricately created this new life inside of me. We believe in His goodness and His faithfulness. We believe His Word and His promise. We believe He will never leave us or forsake us, leaving us to fend for ourselves, with nowhere else to turn. We believe He has a plan for us and our family, a good plan. The best plan.

So no. We may not have much money. We may not know where we are going to live. We may not know the status of my residence in the UK.  We may not have any passports or documents in our possession. We may not have what the world tells us we must have; however, what we do have, is far greater. We have the One who is not of this world. We have the One who sustains us and brings security and hope in the midst of distress, panic, and the unknown. We have a God who brings inexplainable peace and clarity in the midst of complete chaos and uncertainty. We have a God who provides for all of our needs, before we even ask for them. We have a God who is in control and a God who is trustworthy. We have a God who has written the whole story and knows how it will end; so we have decided to do that...to take a leap of faith and trust Him with the rest.

Therefore, we will not panic and we will not fear. We will rejoice and be thankful. We will choose to praise our Creator for this new life. This gift, this blessing, this child. We hope you can do the same.